Adventures in Dog Washing: A Mundane, Yet Noteworthy Occurance

Today we washed our dogs.  I just need to blog about it because it is always such an epic adventure.  Usually we go to Dirty Dawgz, which is a wash-your-own-dog place.  It's great because they provide big raised tubs, a water/shampoo/conditioner dispenser on the wall and a high-powered blow dryer thingy to super dry them when you're done.  It's great.  And no tub clean up afterwards.  Anyway, the closest one, which was in Coppell, closed.  The next closest ones would be in either North Dallas or Plano.  So, Jason and I decided to just do it ourselves.

We were supposed to get up at 8:00 this morning, and be at my parents' by 8:30.  Well, 10:00 rolls around and we finally start working on the dogs.  My parents have a big back porch so we planned to just wash them out there with the water hose.  But, before we started washing, we brushed, trimmed, cleaned out ears, etc.  That took a good while.  Remember that everything is times 2.  Finally time to wash.

My parents have 2 hoses (bonus!), but one of them is from around the front and barely reaches the porch.  So, we have to sit straight in the sun to wash the fellas.  About the time we start spraying down Big Red (Cody), I think to myself, "I probably should have worn sunblock."  I have to say, though, that Jason and I double-teaming worked pretty well, except for the several times I accidentally sprayed him (and the one time on purpose).  We had to sit with the dog between us, facing each other, so we ended up pretty drenched, but they sure didn't have a chance to get away.  Plus, considering the volcanic temperatures, drenched was not really a bad thing.  After getting Cody completely soapy, Jason proceeds to give him a full-body mohawk, from his neck all the way to his tail.  It was pretty awesome.  Mohawk completed, we rinse and repeat.

Kadin is less of an escape artist and more of a layer-downer.  So keeping him vertical is the challenge rather than keeping him immobile.  His fur is ridiculous.  He sheds like a woolly mammoth (assuming they shed) and just getting him completely wet takes almost as long as the entire bathing process for Cody.  Not to mention the fact that it takes almost an entire bottle of dog shampoo to clean him.  So, about halfway through the Great Soaping of 2009, I look over and there is this HUGE black spider on Jason's leg.  In the 1/2 a millisecond before he notices, I try to swat it off him, but as I start to swing, he sees it.  Insert hilarity.  He launches into the world's fastest heeby-jeeby dance-while-sitting I have ever seen.  It really only takes one large full-body spasm to knock the spider off, but as you well know, your body never really quits after just one.  So while still reeling from aftershocks of the creepies, he promptly switches the hose nozzle to "death ray" and proceeds to thoroughly punish that little arachnid for temporarily turning him into a 6 year old girl.  It was great.  With his manhood restored, and the spider drowned with epic ferocity, we proceed to finish washing Kadin.

You would think that after all of that, we would be done, but you would be wrong.  Next comes the clipping of the nails.  I chicken out and go inside at this point.  But my parents have a glass back door and I can see Jason out there using piledrivers and the sleeper hold to try and get Cody to hold still long enough to get his nails trimmed.  Needless to say, they both hate it.  Once again, Kadin is a much more willing participant.  Pretty much, if you're touching him, he's happy about it.

By this point, we have clean, albeit very wet dogs.  Ta-dah!!!  Kadin looks like he has a jerry-curl, though.  It's great.  Jason and I are another story.  We are dripping with nasty dog water and sweat, and covered in clumps of wet fur.  There is also fur floating in the air.  And since we are wet, it sticks to us like glue.  I think I have a slight inclination of what it feels like to be tarred and feathered.  Every surface of me is covered in either wet or dry dog hair.  It's stuck in my eyelashes, inside my mouth and coating all of my clothes.  At this point we literally throw in the towel, clean up the back porch (which looks like a Pomeranian exploded on it), and pack up all of our primping paraphernalia.  My sweet mom, who has been bringing us water, random needed items, and generally popping her head out to enjoy the spectacle, offers to make us some lunch.  But, we are too hot and gross to touch anything so we head home.  (Oh, and did I mention sunburned?)  After three hours of cleaning our dogs, I think we maybe should have driven to Dallas.  I guess, sometimes, that's just what love looks like.  I've never met a shower I loved more than the one I had this afternoon.